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“Did you ever think when the hearse drives by that you might be the next to die? They wrap you up in a dirty sheet and bury you down about six feet”

Remember singing that song as a kid around this time of year?  Remember how the hearse with the dead body traveled through town and its followers had their lights on and traffic stopped so everyone could honor the dead person?   Honoring the dead has happened since we became a civilized man.  It happens across cultures and religions.  Some cultures build altars in their homes for the deceased and upon the altar, they offer remembrances and foods.  Kaddish, the Jewish mourning prayer,  is recited for thirty days after the death and Christians celebrate the dead Saints on November 1 and all  dead souls on the second.   In Old England,  the Mourner’s Chair (placed at the head of the coffin) was brought into the home and stayed there as a reminder of the dead person.  Now, many of these traditions remain as we hearken the dead souls on All Hallow’s Eve, October 31, and then watch as our world turns cold, brown, dark and bare this first month of winter, November, the month of grieving, forgiveness and completion. 

November is Latin for NOVEM meaning ninth.  Before, in the Gregorian calendar, there was no July and August so then November was the ninth month.  Now, of course, it is the eleventh but this is the Julian or Roman calendar.  It is a time of sadness for parts of the land are dead and a time of new beginnings.  Farmers used to wreath their fenceposts with thistles and lilies.  The thistle was of course, a symbol of their hard work in the past year and the lilly speaks to new beginnings and beauty.  This is a time of not only celebrating the dead and the coming of winter but time of Thanksgiving and warm wishes and good food, after all, one reaps the benefits of the rich harvest!

It is a month to spread warm throws on the upholstery and to bring wood branches or bark from the yard into vases and pots in the house.  Chrysanthemum is the flower of the month so some brightly colored ones on the porch  warm the chilly air.  The colors for the month are the browns of topaz or cognac and the darker golds along with the beautiful maple leaf red.  Just take a look at the trees outside and the grasses in the field to see the colors of the month.  Then light the lamps and warm the hearth to welcome strangers and relatives into the recesses and comfort of your house.

This month is a perfect time, too, to clean up the place in preparation for not only the relatives but getting the place primed for Christmas.  Furniture and accessories with a fall “feel” are well priced at this time of year with dealers clearing their inventories.  Go shopping and buy the family an early Christmas present with comfortable furniture suited to your needs.  If you like, you could probably use a Mourner’s Chair.  It was upholstered and looked somewhat like a cupped hand.  It had round arms and a round back that flared a bit and was tufted vertically just like fingers on a hand in an upright position.   It enveloped the mourner and perhaps made him or her feel safe.  Isn’t that a wonderful idea?  Wouldn’t we love for everyone who comes to our house to feel the safety and warmth and comfort of a Mourner’s Chair?  The only thing is, in the 1770’s in London, England, they were upholstered in mohair.  Now, we’d prefer a nice soft velvety microfiber! 

November is when I most appreciate the poetry of Mary Oliver who wrote, in her poem, “In Blackwater Woods”,

Every year everything I have learned
In my lifetime leads back to this: the fires and
The black river of loss whose other side is salvation,
Whose meaning none of us will ever know.
To live in this world, you must be able to do three things:
To love what is mortal;
To hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it;
And, when the time comes,  to let it go,
To let it go.